I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
