i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
