her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As shirtless as possible
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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