That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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