at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
