i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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