you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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