Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize