connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
