If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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