Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
