Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
