last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she looked like the before picture.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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