Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
