My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
