i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
