bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
