If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
