Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
