R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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