NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
