Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
