Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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