We're facebook friends in real life
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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