I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
