piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
