Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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