I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
