So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
