Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
