I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
