every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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