I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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