Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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