What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i now understand why vodka
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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