The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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