All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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