rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
