Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
