Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
