I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
