you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
