Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
