What did we do last night that was yellow?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
