How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm always down for nudity.
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