fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
