I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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