Will you blow on my dice?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
