He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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