I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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