My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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