hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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