so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
