He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
