And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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