Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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