I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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