FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
