new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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