No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
tell me about the eggs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
