He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
