Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
