Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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