He had one of those small greek statue penises
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
