I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
