I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a hot homeless man
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
