making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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