i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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