It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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