and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this boner is exhausting
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i've created a new STD.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
