so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
