U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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