i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
