so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
