Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!

(1-228): View more from Mississippi

brownberry?

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(571): View more from Virginia

You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

(703): View more from Virginia

I don't even know what potassium is.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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(406): View more from Montana

I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.

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(360): View more from Washington

Im 95% ready to shit behind 711

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.

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