i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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