I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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