My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
whose parrot is this?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
