i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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