Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
