you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
