I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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