and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
