How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
