I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
